Jodi Quemelen

How to Advocate for Yourself at Work (Without Tanking Your Reputation):

Welcome to Week 3 in our series designed to help young professionals navigate power dynamics, build real confidence, and thrive at work. 

This week we’re talking about one of the trickiest topics: setting boundaries in the workplace without screwing ourselves over.

Out of personal experience, I can say this: I once started a new job full of enthusiasm, eager to prove myself and do good work. But not long into it, I found myself walking on eggshells, unsure of what to expect, confused about what lines I had crossed, and completely unprepared for how my supervisor handled things.

They had strong boundaries, but never communicated them upfront. Instead, I was left guessing, only finding out I’d “messed up” after the fact, when I’d already stepped over some invisible line. I was scolded for things I didn’t know were off-limits, yelled at behind closed doors, and, within just a few months, threatened with termination. A bit intense? Yeah. I thought so too.

At the time, it felt terrifying. I had no intention of stepping on toes, and didn’t even know where the toes were. Eventually, I realized that not only had they failed to communicate their expectations, but they hadn’t created space for me to express my boundaries either. So, in one of the scariest conversations of my career, I sat down with them and calmly explained how I felt: I personally struggled to respond to hostility, that I wanted to improve in my role, but I needed clearer communication, and that I deserved the respect that I had been trying to give them all along.

Was I terrified? Absolutely? But I was prepared to walk away if it meant staying true to my values and protecting my mental health. 

Luckily, I didn’t lose my job. Things weren’t perfect after that, but they were better, and most importantly, I walked away from that experience with something I’ll never forget:

You can set boundaries without burning bridges. You can advocate for yourself without ruining your reputation.

Why Do So Many of Us Struggle to Set Boundaries?

If you’ve ever hesitated to speak up about your limits, you’re not alone. There are many reasons it’s hard, especially early in your career. 

Maybe:

• You’re at risk of burnout and afraid to say no to new tasks
• You’re new to the team and don’t want to be seen as incompetent.
• You’re hoping for a promotion and don’t want to be labeled as “difficult”.

Whatever the reason, here’s what I’ve learned about setting boundaries at work, and how to do it with confidence and professionalism.

1. Boundaries Are Not Unprofessional, They’re a Necessity.

Let’s make this clear: Boundaries aren’t barriers, they’re bridges. They’re simply respectful guidelines that help everyone work better together. Having clear expectations for how you want to be treated (and how you treat others) isn’t selfish, it’s responsible.

2. Learn to Recognize the Red Flags

Before you can set a boundary, you need to notice when one is being crossed. Take a moment to reflect on your values and what you need in order to thrive in the workplace. 

If you feel:

• Resentful or anxious about interactions
• Overwhelmed or consistently overextended
• Like you’re constantly saying “yes” when you want to say “no”

Then those are some emotional warning signs. Don’t ignore them for too long, instead start to think of how you’d like to communicate your needs.

3. Communicate Your Boundaries Assertively, Not Aggressively

Remember that they’re a person with feelings too. You don’t go into your supervisor’s office prepared to throw hands when it comes to communicating your boundaries. Practice using language that’s calm, clear, confident, and collaborative:

• “I’d love to help, but it would be helpful for me to get more of a notice in the future so it can be up to standard.”
• “I care about producing quality work, and I believe I need X in order to deliver my best work.”
• “I’m not comfortable with that but here’s what I can do.”

4. Expect Discomfort, But Don’t Shrink Yourself

Not to single anyone out because this can be an everybody problem: But especially for women, it’s easy to feel guilt or fear for “rocking the boat”. But advocating for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary for your well-being, and ultimately for the well-being of your workplace. If someone continuously disrespects your boundary, that’s on them, not you.

5. Know When It’s Time to Draw the Line.

Not every environment will be healthy, and not every leader will listen. If your boundaries are constantly ignored or dismissed, you might have to ask: “Is this a place I can thrive and grow in, or just survive?”

Standing up for yourself might not always be received well, but doing so shows you value yourself, and that’s something no one else can truly do for you.

The Bottom Line

All voices bring value, and your well-being matters. Your success shouldn’t require sacrificing your self-worth. 

Boundaries won’t make you less professional, they’ll make you more powerful and respected over time. If you’re still finding your voice, just keep going! You’re already on the right path.

See you next week, where we’ll wrap up this series by helping you better understand the people leading you….and how we can build better bridges across generations.

Peace,

Jodi Q.